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Family relationship dilemmas
 

In short my brother has found out his girlfriend of a year and a half cheated on him in the first 5 months of their relationship

They were "in love" and exclusive

It happened twice, 2 months apart (drunk with the same guy after work)

He found out and confronted her with the information and she came clean

She said it was early on and she didn't know he would be "the one" and the other guy flattered and persued her

Got me kinda thinking what I would do

Forgive and try to forget ?

End it and move on ?

We've been up all night talking about it and I really don't know what to say for the best

Any thoughts guys and girls ?

At least while he's here I have a packing assistant


But no sofa :-(:confused:

If it were over 12 months ago since it happened i would let it slide .
On the strict understanding if it happens again she will be under the patio !

SELLL the girl on EBAY =) fast shipping ...lol

The issue is that was that it happened 5 months into an 18 month relationship. If I still loved her, I would look beyond the travesty....I mean we aint married. But the other issue, would she cheat again? Part of talking out in the open I guess. If I liked her a lot and she had many good qualities, I would stick on through.

But I am also torn because I dont like being on...

I'd bin her off - once a cheater always a cheater in my eyes :rip:

But then again I did say to my girlfriend from the outset if she ever thought about cheating on me I would become close friends with each one of her friends one by one :p

I'm an old fashioned guy so it would be bye bye from me.

I suppose its down to age .
As a younger man you will not tolerate such behavior.
Then the little older you get mishaps like this matter less and can be worked out .
Then when you get even older your thankful its someone else so you dont have to .
The the ultimate age .. You couldnt if you wanted to ....

ask your bro ' if he has cheated on any woman before '

if he didnt '''ask him to move on ..if yes then stick for some more time and see how it goes

Id bin her off and batter the guy providing he knew she had a partner... Worthless female.

Once a cheater always a cheater.

she did not know he was going to be longterm bet but she has cheating tendancies

"Cheating tendancies" is another way of saying human nature. How can you be mad at someone for letting their natural instincts get the best of them? Of course I would never let my girl know I think like this but I would let it slide so long as she could contain herself from then on. I would expect her to do the same for me. Might sound a little twisted, but it makes sense to me.

Apparently her "head was a mess"

When they met she had recently come out of a long term violent relationship

Unfortunately I am an Authority on this subject. In fact, I may be starting a blog/website devoted to relationships/marriage/adultery.

Your brother did not cause this affair. His girlfriend is 100% responsible for HER affair. The same as if she robbed a bank and your brother did not know about it.

The majority of people who have affairs have just suffered some sort of trauma. Job loss, death in the family, bankruptcy, medical issues, etc... they have very Low self-esteem.

Happy people don't have affairs. :nono:

Most affairs (90%) happen in the workplace. It's the people they spend the most time with. Affairs start off as an Emotional connection, then it leads to the bed.

Most people don't start an affair intentionally, it "just happens" without them realizing what's going on.

The easiest way to catch a cheater is to check their cell phone records. 95% get caught this way. Also look for prepaid phones (not always used for Paypal).

Here is the True Test as to someone truly wants to repair the relationship. If the cheater does not comply then run to the nearest door. Hit the road jack.

3 things a Cheater must do to reconcile their affair.

1. A true and sincere Apology (tears are almost mandatory, no crocodile tears).

2. Sincere Remorse. A person needs to do everything required over a period of time (6-12 months) to show they are truly committed. Allow the checking of cell phone records, passwords to al email accounts, facebook, etc...

Always keep the betrayed partner (your brother) aware of their location, trips, overnight stays out of town, etc... they must answer their phone when called.

3. Answer Any & All your brothers questions regardless of how disturbing and private they may be.

Most women want to know if their spouse/boyfriend truly loved the OW (Other Woman).

Most men want to know about the details of their sex life. The majority of men want to know all the disgusting details.

His girlfriend is not allowed to "think" about her answers. Questions must be answered within 1/100th of a second. If she needs to "think" then she is Lying.

The answers will hurt your brother. However, he has a Right to decide if he wants to pursue the relationship. It's not just the Adulter who has rights.

Most cheaters think the spouse doesn't need to know. However, the spouse has a right to decide if "they" want to stay in the relationship once ALL the FACTS are on the table.

Print this out and give it to your brother. If he does not get his girlfriend to comply with all three then walk, today. It will happen again if not addressed.

Affais are Addictions. Once people get involved in an affair it's very, very hard to break the cycle. Very similar to a drug addict. Emotional affairs are the worst, especially for women. If your wife/girlfriend get's Emotionally involved with another male then your in for the Biggest Emotional Roller Coaster ride of your life.

Relationships can actually get stronger post affair. But it's not something anyone ever wants to go through.

I wouldn't wish is on my worst enemy.

If your gut tells you your partner may be cheating, then your probably right. In many cases the Signs were there long before we found out. We simply overlook them because we are in denial or don't want to ruin what we "think" we have.

I wish your brother the best.

.

It's a long and tiring process to go through to heal the relationship. Don't simply walk away in most cases as some would suggest.

Their is no guarantee your next partner won't do the same thing.

Bloody hell
This is getting heavy ..

This sounds like a job for Jeremy Kyle.

Unfortunately affairs destroy more than just relationships. They destroy society, families, children, financial havoc, etc...

Murder causes Less drama in my opinion.

Emotional and Sexual affairs can and do destroy people. I've seen people commit suicide and murder becuase of this.

We read about affairs daily on TMZ and the DailyMailUK, they are glamorized when in fact they are devastating.

Serious F'n business.

I could teach Jeremy a lot about affairs. He's a neophyte. :p

I dont see what al the fuss is about its quite simple .
If he loves her sort it out .
If he doesnt move on .
No need to turn it into a movie .

That's why there are Experts like myself to get help.

It's harder than you "think" to work things out. Children may be involved, businesses, financial obligations, families, etc...

Affairs are nasty stuff. The Devils work!

Roscoe
i will bow to your superior knowledge on such matters.
My life is not complicated.
If something is not working i change it.
If it is working then great.
But after 3 marriages you kind of pick up a few tricks and not once have i had to outsource my problems (its a british thing) or air them in public.

If you've been married 3x then you have NOT resolved your issues.

Problems in relationships lead to affairs/divorce. Both sides are guilty. However, the adulterer is 100% responsible for THEIR actions.

53% of all 1st marriages end in divorce.

72% of 2nd marriages end in divorce.

83% of 3rd marriages end in divorce.

Even wondered why Elizabeth Taylor was married 8x?

If you don't go back and analyze the mistakes YOU made in regards to your divorce then you will carry those into the next relationship.

If your new partner has been divorced then you both carry a lot of Baggage into your relationship. You need to fix the car before you get back into the race.

That's why the Failure rate for subsequent marriages is through the roof. You must work on yourself to realize why the relationship didn't work. It isn't always the other persons fault.

You can't get married 3, 4, 5, 8 times and keep blaming the other person.

Better to work on your first marriage and keep that intact, although there are no guarantees.

Divorces cost more than just money. There is a high price that all of society pays.

I believe affairs are within the womans control.

I hold a particular dislike for women (single or otherwise) who go with married men.

Men are led more by their trouser area, women think more manipulatively and it may be that she wanted to get this affair guy for herself, but he did not want to or had ties and could not go off with her.

A woman will have an affair if she is unhappy with the status quo in her relationship.

I often see one-sided views of these things from one party or other and their family/friends you never see whole truth that way.

They are not married and it was in earlier stages, so I think it is recoverable but it will rear its head with reminders and distrust from now on...

I dont have any issues .. thanks ever so much .
I am good friends with my 2 previous mrs.
Things change
People change
And believe it or not sometimes there is no one to blame .
Ive been married to my current issue 22 years .
Yes it may end tommorow or maybe it wont.
But what i do know is if you run your life in a decent manner then if you are together or not it does not impact anyone to a degree where they need to seek expert advice.

Answers in Red.

"I dont have any issues" <<< That's what my ex-wife said. We ALL have issues. It's how we deal with those issues internally that effects our relationships. No one is perfect.

Congratulations, you're one of the 17% who survived a 3rd marriage.

I guarantee your two ex-wives don't have the same opinion you have. My guess is that you took responsiblity for your actions and stopped the issues that were causing problems in the first 2 marriages.

Both sides are always guilty. Decent manner has absolutely nothing to do with affairs. That's a big myth. Read my above post as to why affairs happen.

Please don't take this personally. I can show you stat after stat that proves my point.

I've spent thousands of hours over the last 8 years studying affairs/marriage/relationships.

Here's hoping you and the Mrs stay married forever. :thumb:

people are just giving their opinions, you do not have to quote replies and then answer each point in RED with your correction....

As an authority in this field, I hate to see others be misinformed. Not trying to debate anyone.

How many peope really care to be an Authority on Affairs? It's not something I ever contemplated.

Ok lets wind this in ..
We re not talking any affair
We are talking about some girl with knicker elastic issues twice over 12 months ago.
No one died
OOmpa i got to agree sort of with your comments especially regarding them thinking diffenrently towards such matters.
Lets not all forget its a very young relationship .. they are not married and i suspect them pre 20s in age . forgive me if im wrong.
At these ages you dont know whats going on , or the way the world works .
All you think about is money and sex .
Lets stop turning this into something more than it is.

That's what all cheaters say. You don't understand affairs, you are not trained in this field.

People die all the time from affairs. I can post a half dozen stories in the last 48 hours where people murdered because of an affair.

And yes, it is a young relationship. That's why it has to be addressed correctly before it's gets further along.

It's a lot bigger than you think it is. Billions and Billions of dollars are spent every year on relationship advice. Lawyers, doctors, marriage counselors make a fortune from affairs and relationship advice.

Bree Maresca-Kramer: Confession Of A Housewife

OK .
I give in .
Lets get it on the TV.

It's on the tele already.

Cheaters | REAL Reality TV

Hahaha PMSL at some of the responses to this..as a young guy myself i'll input my feedback..

I agree with Roscoe pretty much..Why?
At the end of the day 'your head being a mess' and 'him flattering and pursuring and chasing you' isn't an excuse to cheat..and the same for you not thinking someone's 'longterm'..it all comes down to one thing..insecurity and being a cheat.
In my opinion I've always found that following my heart over head has been right..and once a woman cheats..she will cheat again. Those are lousy excuses and as the indian guy said on here i'd give her away with free p & p shipping lol.
Not worth the headache and not worth the heartache.
If a woman truly likes someone, even seeing them she wouldn't cheat or mess with anyone else. If she does then she's not true to her word..and like scarface says..all I have in this world is my word and my...well you know the rest lol..

One pertinent issue NOT addressed.

The OP is merely a party to the scenario.

Both sides of the story have not been presented.

Enough responses have been given.

Issue is between the brother and the girlfriend.

Neither are users on this forum.

Kudos to the Op for trying to help.

End of story.

Not necessarily the romance though.

:peace: