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If the buyer has not returned the item your not obliged to refund ... simple
If its a small amount thats worth giving away to save you the hassle thats a different story .
But if its a worthy amount stand your ground .
There is buyers who have made a good living from sellers who fold to easily and it must stop ...
Last case i had which springs to mind was a guy who claimed the £2000 item he ordered when delivered and signed for was an empty box .
Took ages to sort out but once i proved weights at each shipping station with ups and informed him the police may want to call and take a statement i never heard anymore ..
You can also now report problem buyers so thats a step forward even if just a small one.

I would just take the item back and avoid a neg mark at all costs.

I won a lot of cases as a seller but then received lots of low DSR and well...3 blown stealth accounts later I sure wish I would of used the "Customer is ALWAYS Right" philosophy on my account from 1999 with awesome feedback.

Thank you all for your advice. I have bent over and refunded the customer, even though her return has not arrived back to me. I can't afford loosing my top rated status and i can't believe Ebay is putting us in a position where we feel pressured even to refund a customer that has not sent back the merchandise. Oh well..