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favourite joke
 

have you heard about the magic tractor ? it turned into a field

thats gotta be the coolest joke EVER

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me."

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

ive actually laughed loudly at that, nice one

An old lady and an old man are sitting in their retirement home.

The man turns to the woman and says,"I bet you can't tell how old I am."

She says,"Okay."

She then unzips his fly, feels around for a while and finally says, "You're 83."

"That's amazing!" the man exclaims. "How did you know that?" he asks.

She replies, "You told me yesterday."

on a similar "vein"

A guy and a girl are sitting in a pub.

The man turns to the woman and says,"I bet i can tell you when you were born just by squeezing your breasts."

She says,"Okay."

He plays around for a while and the woman finally says, when was i born then

The guy said "yesterday"

I went up to a girl yesterday to pick her up this is the conversation.

Me: Can I ask you a questions.
Girl: Sure
Me: If there are three girls sitting on a bench the first one is licking an icecream
The second one is bitting the icecream
The third one is gobbling the whole thing down
Which one is married.
Girl: I think the third one.
Me: The one wearing the ring but I like the way you think.

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner
with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to
her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love
for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had done before, so he takes
a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist
it is his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many he'd like
to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the
family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his
first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his
girlfriend at the door. Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents,
come on in!


The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's
parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his
head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head
down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over
and whispers to the
boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious.?"

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a
pharmacist."

^That would be pretty embarrassing.

Q: How many lumberjacks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but he uses a chainsaw.



Q: How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four--one to change the bulb and three to cut a hole in the roof.

.

Fun stuff going on here.

I got nothing :faint:

download3000 with the biggest joke of the day =)

A blonde girl is walking along a river bank just admiring the scenery

She comes across another blonde girl fishing on the opposite bank

She calls out "Hi there, how do I get to the other side of the river?"

The blonde girl who is fishing looks up the river and down the river and says

"You're already on the other side"

I said to my girlfriend "I've been cheating on you"

She said, "Really? Honestly? You rat."

"And furthermore," I said, "she says I am amazing in bed."

Dave," she said. "You idiot, you had me going there for a minute as well

Some of these I don't get at all.

It's called humour Sneakee:bounce:

GrannyT jokes.

Damn I hoped this thread had died....

Must find a joke:doh:

Sean Connery asked me, "Who is the Aston Villa goalkeeper?"

I said, "Shay Given."

He said, "Given."

:brick:

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where's the padlock :boink: