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Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning,roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning."

Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.

The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."

Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."

Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."

They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning for either sex or golf ' ..

and she said ... "Take a sweater."

Beware.... EXTRA DRY


Mike is a well established business owner. He owns the local widget factory, priced at over 9 million dollars in net worth.

One day... as Mike is leaving the office after another long day... he hears a booming voice:

"Mike, this is God!'

Mike answers... "Oh wow, it's God!"

God replies... "Mike, I have a mission for you. You must do exactly as I say without question. Are you up for the challenge my son?"

Mike answers... "Yes, yes of course!"

God.... "You are to liquidate your business. Everything, get rid of it. Everything must go! Sell it all! I will come back to you when you have sold everything!"

Mike is shocked at the messages.... after a few hours of long thought... Mike makes the hardest decision of his life, and puts the Widget factory up for sale.

A few weeks later, Mike has sold his company that he has worked his entire life for... piece by piece. He now has 9.1 million dollars in cash. He hears the booming voice once again..

"Mike! Now that you have 9.1 million dollars.... go to Las Vegas! Rent a hotel room at the Bellagio and wait for my command!"

Mike goes to the Bellagio Hotel and Casino, gets a room... and once again the voice of God..

"Mike! Take your 9.1 million dollars, go to a cashier downstairs, and turn in all of your money for chips!"

Well at this point Mike can see where this is going and is getting rather excited. He goes downstairs, cashes in the chips, and again hears the voice....

"Mike! go to the roulette table at the end of the casino! There is one special table, on the far right.... 3rd one from the end. I want you to walk up to the table, and place your 9.1 million on red 12!"

Mike strolls over.... puts 9.1 million dollars on red 12. Everyone is shocked in amazement... the ball rolls..... rolling..... and finally lands.

The roulette table guy yells..... "Black 24!"

God says.... "Awe come on!!!"

A man walks into a bar and the barman says "Why the long face?" And the man replies "I am severely deformed".